Language of Friendship

During this holiday season, I have had the opportunity to attend three events that took me into the heart of French homes.  The gatherings have had an international taste to them: French, British, Danish, Japanese, and the token American have represented their cultures and traditions. 

All three events took place in lovely homes: one country house, one traditional house here in the Carcaassonne city limits, and one at a former winemaker's domaine--estate.  These were threee very different homes, but what they had in common was the fact that they were all warm, interesting places whose inhabitants reached out and put their arms around strangers.  Please, don't let me ever again hear how rude and snobbish are the French.  In my experience, nothing is further from the truth  Reserved is a better word.

What I did notice was how  important language acquisition is to these social occasions and to making friends.  Sachiko seldom spoke during Christmas Day.  Her command of French is not good, and so she couldn't contribute to the discussions.  I don't know whether or not she was able to follow the thread of conversation, but I DO know how she felt. 

In all three of these social gatherings, the stated language was French.  We were expected to put aside our "shyness" and try to speak.  Even though there were English speakers at all three parties, we were expected to use French when addressing the group. At the "Protestant orphan" party, I observed the joy on the faces of three women who were able to converse among themselves in their native tongue, German.  It was as if they were finally visible to someone else. I never did get to speak with them, and they made no effort to talk to the non-German-speakers present.  I can understand why, and in no way find fault with them.  For one brief respite, they didn't have to work so hard.  

I have met English speakers who've been here for years, even decades.  They socialize only with other English speakers, and except for the interactions with merchants and the occasional government official or tradesperson, never advance their French language skills.  I understand it, but choose to not take that path.  I intend to make friends with the Carcassonnais, and I don't care how many language mistakes I make.  

The romantic idea that friendship or love will automatically bridge any and all language gaps is just that--a romantic notion.  Making friends in a foreign country, without a common language,  can be very challenging.  But not impossible, or so I keep reminding myself.