Driving Force

I have spent a great deal of time today thinking about what drives me to do things.  What ever possessed me to enter a cake contest in France, for heaven's sake? 

Books and CD's organized

What is the source of the feeling that I have never accomplished enough--even on the most basic level?  As in getting my living space arranged just as I'd like it?  I can't help but wonder if other people walk through their days constantly feeling inadequate?  Yes, I got the kitchen tidied, and the house vacuumed, but then I did something silly, like----prepare and eat lunch and it's all messy again.  

Christmas cactus blooming again

Maybe it's the changeable weather here in Carcassonne today.  I would like to be outside, but the weather is as unpredictable as I have ever seen--at the moment, the sun is trying to break through, but it did that earlier, only to have rain beat against the window half an hour later.  It has made me a little restless.  I should wash the floors, especially in the kitchen, as I cannot seem to keep from dropping whatever foodstuff I am working with, right at the edge of the counters. When did I become so sloppy a cook?

Some fantastical creature

Bud ready to open

And when the sun does come out, I think--gosh Charlotte, what are you trying to prove?   You write, you sing, you are learning the piano and learning the hammer dulcimer. You write and maintain a blog, with photographs.  You've learned a new (to you) Irish song to present at the 98.  You take photographs and are learning to see in entirely new ways.  You just entered a cake competition in a foreign (to you) country.  You are learning a new language. You organized your CD's and your bookshelf. Have a little patience with yourself and take time today to read a book.  The laundry will be there in the morning, as will the floors.  

Bountiful new growth

I think my Christmas cactus is a good example of what is happening to me----it's thriving in its new surroundings, with plenty of light and water.  It's blossoming almost continually, and has put on new growth.  And I feel like that's happening here, to me, too!  Not always easy, but surely exciting.